The Take-Away Series: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

One of my favourite authors George R. R. Martin once said, “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.”

Reading has played a very important part in my life. Being an only child, reading gave me friends, someone to hang out with, took me to imaginary lands that people with siblings go with their brothers and sisters. Reading fiction, according to a young Shalvika, was one of the best things that she could do with her time. And trust me, not much has changed. Today’s Shalvika loves reading a good novel too. But what’s different is that she realises that books can be so much more than pure entertainment. They can teach, they can guide, they can push you to think, they can nudge you to try something new. And she cannot stop reading! Alright, let me stop being a dork talking about myself in the third person. But it is safe to say that books have played an extremely extremely important role in what I am today.

So, I thought, why not share with you all about some of the amazing books I have read but more importantly, the valuable take-aways I have had from these books. Every month, I plan to do a take-away post and talk to you all about the take-aways I have from a book that I have read and that has added value not just to my knowledge, but also to my Life Résumé by teaching me a thing or two about this marvellous journey called life! Education is one of the key ingredients for a kickass Life Résumé, remember?

I am going to begin this take- away series by talking to you about one of the most slap you in the face, punch you in the gut but still make you feel pretty awesome about yourself kind of a book. This book is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and is by one of my favourite millennial, author and blogger Mark Manson. He himself describes this book as a counterintuitive approach to living a good life.

What stands out the most when you read this book is Manson’s no-nonsense approach to living.  The whole premise of this book is based on the idea that as humans, we only have a certain number of things we can be bothered about in life and as fairly intelligent beings, we can all choose what those things are. Reading this book has given me a completely different perspective of looking at things. Though most of the things that Mark writes about are pretty logical, you will be amazed by how much we all love to ignore logic all the time!

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So here are my take-aways from this book:

1. The Backwards Law: Mark talks about the backwards law by Alan Watts. The law states that your desire for a positive experience in itself can be a negative experience because it reinforces that you lack something to begin with. This resonates with me at so many levels because today we live in a world where we are constantly told to be positive, to have a hopeful approach towards life, to try and be more ‘successful’ when most people don’t even know what success means to them.
2. Find What Gives Meaning to Your Life: Whether you want it or not, you will always be bothered about something in life. Mark suggests that you might as well know what you want to be bothered about. ‘Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy’, Mark writes.
3. Happiness and Suffering: ‘Happiness is not a solvable equation’, Mark writes. There is no secret recipe to happiness and satisfaction. We all have to go through the cycle of pain and suffering and disappointment and failure in life. ‘Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is ‘solving’’, he says. This again links back to finding what problems you want to solve in life and spend your time working on.
4. Extraordinary is Overrated: We need to all let go of the notion that being ordinary or average or mediocre means that we are failing at life. Not everyone can be extraordinary and that’s alright. Because life happens in the ordinary and the mundane. ‘The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they are exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improving’, Mark says.
5. Importance of Values: Leading a satisfying life depends largely on what values are important to you. Because your values will drive the things you are bothered about in life, they will define what you give priority to in your life.
6. Accepting Imperfections: Flaws and imperfections show you the avenues for growth which in turn is very important for improving life. ‘Certainty is the enemy of growth’, Mark writes.  
7. Choose Your Own Beliefs: Our brains have a tendency to form opinions and beliefs based purely on past experiences. These experiences could be recorded wrongly by our brains and could also be influenced by the unconscious biases that we have. So, take all your beliefs with a pinch of salt.
8. The ‘Do Something’ Principle: To move ahead, doing something, however big or small, will add to your motivation behind doing that thing. Mark coins this as the ‘Do Something’ Principle. “Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it”, Mark writes. If you’re stuck somewhere, waiting for inspiration, do the smallest possible bit and the rest will follow.
9. Learning to Say ‘No’: The art of saying ‘No’, though uncomfortable sometimes, can really help you in life by helping you narrow the things you want to be bothered about. Not only does saying ‘No’ help you dedicate more efforts to your goals, but also helps you define your boundaries. And more surprisingly, helps you build trust! “For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be willing and able to both say no and hear no”, Mark states.
10. Death: Whatever it is that you are pursuing in life, death is the only non-changing truth. And keeping sight of that truth can be extremely crucial in defining how you want to lead your life. Mark says, “Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life”

These are some of the most crucial lessons that I could derive from this awesome book. If you happen to read a copy, please let me know in the comments what your take-aways were from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Until next time, remember, we have one life and we have the power to choose what we want to do with it!

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